My little girl is going off to college

Message

52FM · #1 Post by **52FM** » Wed Aug 24, 2005 9:20 am

OK - the females on this board can flame me all they want...

We move our daughter into her dorm tomorrow. I did not feel the sadness and anxiety I'm feeling when my boys moved away. Maybe it's because she is the youngest and not becuase she is a girl, but suddenly I'm worried about her living away from us. (Even though she'll only be an hour away). When I think of parties, and 18-22 year old guys also living away from home (admit it, guys can be real fast and smooth and full of bad intent around girls, especially at that age).

But we've raised her well, and she is realtively open with us. Now the real test of that comes. (And if any guy hurts her in any way, I guarantee you will see my logic side disapear in an instant!)

Congruous · #2 Post by **Congruous** » Wed Aug 24, 2005 10:16 am

Where is she going to school? What'll be her major?

Both of my nieces went to the University of Georgia- as wild a place as any- and came out unscathed. My youngest niece graduated Summa Cum Laude...the very opposite of her uncle.

I65 · #3 Post by **I65** » Wed Aug 24, 2005 10:40 am

FLAME FLAME FLAME

All kidding aside, it's natural for you to feel some anxiety and sadness. Not only is your baby girl leaving for the first time, but you're dealing with not having any children in your home for the first time in 20+ years. It is going to be a big adjustment for all of you. I am concerned more about the parents that can't wait until their kids are 18 so they can give them the boot.

52FM · #4 Post by **52FM** » Wed Aug 24, 2005 11:56 am

We know a few families like that - can't wait for the kids to leave. I'll never understand that.

And in the interest of full disclosure - we are not truly empty nesters since our oldest still lives with us (nearly 24; looking into grad school and trying to find a job.) But he is so independent it's like him not being home.

Congrous - she is attending a small private school outside of the city, majoring in media tech. She loves putting together videos of out vacations, her friends, she makes homemade music videos, she's won some awards in school and I think is very talented.

sw25 · #5 Post by **sw25** » Wed Aug 24, 2005 4:30 pm

You should speak to my mother.

My older brother is heading off to school in less than two weeks, and she's a wreck.

She puts on a nice face, but I can tell she's heartbroken about the whole thing. Her worries are similar to yours, but, like you, she has raised him as well as any parent could hope to. He is exceptionally bright and has great judgment.

He's equally stressed over the fact that he has to say goodbye to his girlfriend.

52FM · #6 Post by **52FM** » Wed Aug 24, 2005 5:38 pm

SW25: "Stressed about saying goodbye to his girlfriend."

My daughter recently broke off her first serious relationship; except I think maybe she told everyone except him. The old "can we just be friends" I think is a line on his part to bide time hoping she'll change her mind. It's a major trauma/soap opera in our house these past few weeks. I just want her to feel she can enjoy her college experience and not feel tied down to someone when she clearly doesn't want to be.

Good luck to your brother (and your mom) as he starts school.

And I still owe you my thoughts on writing for the school paper. I didn't forget - been a bit busy but I will get to this next week.

silvermoon · #7 Post by **silvermoon** » Wed Sep 14, 2005 8:15 pm

i'm going off to uni later 2day (its past 1am and i leave at 8am for a 5hr drive, should be sleeping really...). i'm looking forward to it, but i'm worried about my mother. she doesnt make friends well as it is, she's a second away from divorcing my father (having waited it out till i was old enough that it would have less of an emotional effect, which i am very grateful for), and when he's not there cos he's at work she's gonna be alone everyday.

the most profound thing happened that makes me worry all the more: my mother goes shopping a lot (alone). when my father and i went to pick her up once, we went in to the store and were looking for her. i asked him where she was, he said casually, 'i dunno, probably where she always is, in the bargain section'. we found her there, rummaging through piles of clothes with a joyless expression on her face. it was one of the the most heartbreaking moments of my life, it honestly moved me to tears. she puts up with a lot (or should i say doing little that makes her happy), and i dont know how shes going to cope from now by herself.

anyway, unless i find the time at uni this will be the last post i make in a while. looking forward to this new experience, hope everything is good with everyone here, a shame i didnt reach the top rank b4 i leave! bye

52FM · #8 Post by **52FM** » Wed Sep 14, 2005 9:45 pm

You'll be missed - but college must be very different overseas. In the states, all the kids seem to do is text message and email and chat on and on and on...

I hope you have time to visit us - but more so make sure you keep you communicate often with your mom- if she's like my wife is with our kids, she'll want to know how everything is going - down to what you had for breakfast.

Best wishes for a fun and rewarding experience!

"52"

Congruous · #9 Post by **Congruous** » Fri Sep 16, 2005 10:44 am

Hey, Silvermoon, I'm sorry to read about your parents' situation. The most important thing you can do is to make sure your mother knows you love her. Don't make the mistake of trying to step into the hole in her life made by your father's not being emotionally available for her. The role you need to play is for you to have a good life. Be a good son to your mother. If you try to do more, you may hurt yourself and make her dependent on you in an unhealthy way.

silvermoon · #10 Post by **silvermoon** » Mon Sep 26, 2005 6:34 pm

hey, thanks very much for those comments, i'm not dying or living in poverty or anything, they're just personal concerns, everyone has them, and i'm a very happy individual, so its definitely nothing serious, but i put it out there anyway (a bit selfishly).

i'm at uni atm and i use the uni computers, which i really shouldnt do too much (inteferes with being reckless and having fun). but i'm glad i dont have to leave this little community behind for very long.

my parents have already come up and visited, sadly my mother, who at the best of times is affectionately abrasive, yesterday was obviously disappointed to have to leave after only having been here for a few hrs and we had a bit of a tiff. just a bit. she's the fairly extreme neurotic type who frets about many things and views any emotion as a sign of weakness, so she covers it up by being, for lack of a better description, a bit fierce. so i was disappointed that her visit was not more amiable.

i had a tremendous first day tho, and it didnt even involve the traditional methods of getting drunk (not my scene). i played football (or soccer) for the first time in a long time, and i always enjoy a kickabout, met up with a good friend who also attends this uni but i have not seen in quite a while, and to top it all i met a fantastic girl on my course. i think the character of charlotte is most ppls idea of the perfect woman ie. she is beautiful, smart, soulful, humorous. the girl i met is just like that, and i am particularly happy i had the good fortune of meeting her. we hit it off after a bit of a false start, and i very much look forward to every moment in her company. i dont even have to mention this anonymously, i seem to have told every person in sight, i'm giddy with joy.

and...on that note, i am reminded of just how self indulgent this has been, and i'll leave it here. but i'm glad i can regularly attend this forum, if only to speak to some tremendous ppl and tell them and everyone they know about my good fortune

52FM · #11 Post by **52FM** » Mon Sep 26, 2005 9:30 pm

Good to hear from you, Silvermoon! Sounds like you're starting off pretty well (giddy with joy sounds like a pretty good mood!) Stay in touch - we'd all love to hear how it goes with "Charlotte"!