ok, so perhaps not ignore the last post but take that as my point of view this morning. it turns out that she misread the situation regarding something i said to her, which i meant innocently but she thought implied something else less so, and so the situation got out of hand without my knowledge. but after i questioned her about the meaning of her request to be just friends, she revealed the mistake she made, and i corrected her. the relief on both our faces was immense, we laughed about it immediately afterwards. i had hoped that she wouldnt want to take time apart, or to stop being so close to each other, at least for a while, as i have only known her for such a short time and, as someone stated, this is meant to be our honeymoon period. i was so pleased afterwards that i couldnt stop smiling, and held her hand constantly until we parted for lectures. but with that weight lifted from my mind, the only problem to face now regards the condition of her friend. i told her that she has nothing to feel guilty about, as all decisions that lead to his unhappiness now were made by him, he initiated the problem in the first place, and we have done nothing but be honest with each other in our relationship, and he should respect that. tbh, she went beyond the call of duty to offer her time and friendship to him, and that he turned her away is his decision and all responsibility for his actions lies with him alone. i know everything i said here is true, and i am not being spiteful towards him in any way. i would not wish this on any person, but sadly everyone gets their heart broken, noone can be happy all the time. i hope that she realises that, if not for our sake then for hers. i'm going to see her later and offer my support, and hopefully we can get back on track.
something else related to this, and far more optimistic (i don't want to make out the best and most dramatic 2 weeks of my life as being negative!). when i was walking with her and we were holding hands, her friends, who suspected our relationship but previously had no proof, caught sight of us, which resulted in merciless teasing for her, and her turning bright red (but with a smile). and when they referred to us as a couple, she failed to deny it. that made my day, that despite all these troubles, this previously conservative girl has enough faith and confidence in us to share it with friends (gossipy ones). i can sleep easily again. at least until tomorrow...
my 'charlotte'
Moderator: Bob
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silvermoon
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Last edited by silvermoon on Tue Oct 11, 2005 2:58 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Take a look at you tagline - "I'm dancing on the wind!" Sometimes the wind is a gently calming breeze - other times it can be a bit rougher. It's all part of getting to really know each other and seeing what you really mean to each other and finding a way for the two of you to be a couple without either one losing who you are. If that sounds tough - it's because it is. But worth it!
"Willoughby. Next stop is Willoughby."
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silvermoon
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thanks a lot for pointing that out, i failed to notice that! one of my friends, who perhaps has a different point of view to me, but one i still respect if not agree with, said that he was not sure if she was worth all the stress and effort. i told him on the spot with confidence that i would endure it all and more, because i firmly believe that she is more special than anyone i've met, and worth fighting and getting hurt for. coming from someone who has just celebrated their 30th anniversary, yours is clearly worthy advice, so thank you very much for providing it!
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silvermoon
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Where's my dose of young love 
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silvermoon
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lol hmm....i like the speculation. makes me feel more interesting than i am. have a bit to say this week, but been saving it as opposed to just churning out paragraphs every day. don't want to overdo it (or overdo it more than i already have)
the previous week was fantastic, we were starting to ease into our relationship. the spark was still there, even after the drama had started to die down. still kissing (a lot), still hugging (a lot), and i'd managed to prise her away from the ice cream stand (by taking a 2 mile detour), so all was fine and dandy. so i decided i'd pick the perfect time to screw things up. just to mix things up a bit...
on one of the rare course options which i did not share with her, i met a girl, and we got chatting. we were sitting alone in the room for a lecture that had been cancelled, so it was just her and i. there were the standard uni qus (what's your name, where are you from, what course are you doing?). then we got slightly more personal, like where do you live (just across the road from me, in fact), and what are your hobbies? at this point, she revealed to me that she likes dancing, and asked me to be her dance partner. that was within maybe 10 mins of meeting her. let me make things clear: i was and still am perfectly happy with my girlfriend, and have no intention of changing that. that means that any girl i meet, no matter who it is, is strictly a friend and no more. and with this girl, it was no different. so i told her that i already had a girlfriend and that she would 'most likely' disapprove. this visibly riled her a little bit, but she smiled and said she understood. so, i thought to myself, thats fine, she understands, no problems there. clearly i need a swift smack upside the head.
a few days later, i was sitting at my flat by myself, everyone was out and i had nothing to do, and noone to do anything with. my gf was busy that night (we're not joined at the hip, as some ppl believe), so i was alone. i did some work, which took a little time, but still i was alone. so, and don't ask me what possessed me to do this, i invited the girl over to my flat for a chat (as a FRIEND).
she came, and we sat and talked for an hr. we spoke about her uni course, her time at uni, and eventually about her family and dancing. it was all very innocent, until she mentioned that she wanted to 'meet my parents'. this was only the 2nd time we had talked, totalling about half an hr. at this point, i couldnt get the image of a bunny boiling on the stove out of my head...she left soon after, and i pondered whether to tell my gf. i had nothing to hide, i was just meeting a friend (the truth) so thinking that honesty pays (it doesn't always), i told her.
she has never been angry about it, and she has a great deal of faith in me, and we both like each other to bits and she knows this, but the fact she kept mentioning the girl's name meant she never completely got her out of her head. i kept reassuring her that she was a friend and no more, and went as far as to tell the girl that we could no longer meet each other, for the sake of my gf, but still she worries. i'm very disappointed (in myself) that she feels this way, and more disappointed i managed to get myself into such a stupid situation in the first place. but then, i spose noone likes to hear about previous or potential relationships with the ppl u like (even if in this case said relationship was completely non-existent, and i never liked the girl in that way). u might recall the jealousy i felt when my gf was sorting out her relationship with her friend, i imagine this sort of behaviour is natural (i hope so, or else i'm just the jealous type, which i hope i'm not). either way, we're even when it comes to 'friends who become jealous and subsequently need to be dealt with, at their cost'. how odd, its only been a few weeks and we've actually started to repeat ourselves.
to be fair, in the past few days it's calmed down again and we're back to our previous pattern. had an ice cream with her the other day...maybe thats what did it...i've had to leave her alone for a few days while i return home to collect some stuff, but i'm confident that we're finally secure enough in our relationship that we don't need to worry about each other too much (well, maybe just a little...)
NOTE: i would elaborate further and structure it better, but i'm so tired from the travelling and souvenir hunting today (for my gf, naturally) that i can barely keep my eyes open. this post may be subject to edits in the future, making said post even longer, more rambling and tedious. abusing my right to freedom of speech
the previous week was fantastic, we were starting to ease into our relationship. the spark was still there, even after the drama had started to die down. still kissing (a lot), still hugging (a lot), and i'd managed to prise her away from the ice cream stand (by taking a 2 mile detour), so all was fine and dandy. so i decided i'd pick the perfect time to screw things up. just to mix things up a bit...
on one of the rare course options which i did not share with her, i met a girl, and we got chatting. we were sitting alone in the room for a lecture that had been cancelled, so it was just her and i. there were the standard uni qus (what's your name, where are you from, what course are you doing?). then we got slightly more personal, like where do you live (just across the road from me, in fact), and what are your hobbies? at this point, she revealed to me that she likes dancing, and asked me to be her dance partner. that was within maybe 10 mins of meeting her. let me make things clear: i was and still am perfectly happy with my girlfriend, and have no intention of changing that. that means that any girl i meet, no matter who it is, is strictly a friend and no more. and with this girl, it was no different. so i told her that i already had a girlfriend and that she would 'most likely' disapprove. this visibly riled her a little bit, but she smiled and said she understood. so, i thought to myself, thats fine, she understands, no problems there. clearly i need a swift smack upside the head.
a few days later, i was sitting at my flat by myself, everyone was out and i had nothing to do, and noone to do anything with. my gf was busy that night (we're not joined at the hip, as some ppl believe), so i was alone. i did some work, which took a little time, but still i was alone. so, and don't ask me what possessed me to do this, i invited the girl over to my flat for a chat (as a FRIEND).
she came, and we sat and talked for an hr. we spoke about her uni course, her time at uni, and eventually about her family and dancing. it was all very innocent, until she mentioned that she wanted to 'meet my parents'. this was only the 2nd time we had talked, totalling about half an hr. at this point, i couldnt get the image of a bunny boiling on the stove out of my head...she left soon after, and i pondered whether to tell my gf. i had nothing to hide, i was just meeting a friend (the truth) so thinking that honesty pays (it doesn't always), i told her.
she has never been angry about it, and she has a great deal of faith in me, and we both like each other to bits and she knows this, but the fact she kept mentioning the girl's name meant she never completely got her out of her head. i kept reassuring her that she was a friend and no more, and went as far as to tell the girl that we could no longer meet each other, for the sake of my gf, but still she worries. i'm very disappointed (in myself) that she feels this way, and more disappointed i managed to get myself into such a stupid situation in the first place. but then, i spose noone likes to hear about previous or potential relationships with the ppl u like (even if in this case said relationship was completely non-existent, and i never liked the girl in that way). u might recall the jealousy i felt when my gf was sorting out her relationship with her friend, i imagine this sort of behaviour is natural (i hope so, or else i'm just the jealous type, which i hope i'm not). either way, we're even when it comes to 'friends who become jealous and subsequently need to be dealt with, at their cost'. how odd, its only been a few weeks and we've actually started to repeat ourselves.
to be fair, in the past few days it's calmed down again and we're back to our previous pattern. had an ice cream with her the other day...maybe thats what did it...i've had to leave her alone for a few days while i return home to collect some stuff, but i'm confident that we're finally secure enough in our relationship that we don't need to worry about each other too much (well, maybe just a little...)
NOTE: i would elaborate further and structure it better, but i'm so tired from the travelling and souvenir hunting today (for my gf, naturally) that i can barely keep my eyes open. this post may be subject to edits in the future, making said post even longer, more rambling and tedious. abusing my right to freedom of speech
You've probably heard Sting's old song "If You Love Someone, Set Them Free." Maybe it's time to examine the way you look at her male friend and the way she looks at your female friend (I agree with you that it's sort of strange that she already wants to meet your parents). You are young and there will be other men and women who enter the picture. When you are at school it is impossible to avoid this. My rule, once I became mature enough to formulate it, is that my girlfriend does whatever she wants. If this causes a problem, we'll argue it out. You have to know if you are going to have a good relationship, there will be some fighting, pushing and pulling, and territorial standoffs. I want her with me if she wants to be with me. If, over a period of time, what she wants leaves me cold, I walk away.
Now, to lighten things up a bit, I give you my mantra:
Now, to lighten things up a bit, I give you my mantra:
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silvermoon
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i've come back to uni from my weekend away, and things are better than ever. i spent the whole 3 days away thinking of 'charlotte' and now that i'm back it's as if i was never away. however, certain things had to happen for it to be this way now.
firstly, a minor note, the other night, she said to me 'i love you'. minor note because her state of mind was perhaps less than lucid, (sleepy, not inebriated) which meant she didnt remember it in the morning. but i found it rather amusing nonetheless, and obviously dont take it too seriously.
then the other day, we were talking casually, when she asked me how seriously i was taking our relationship. she told me she felt i wasn't trying hard enough to understand her and her situation, which is difficult and different to mine. i always expected a question like that to floor me, but i handled it very well. honesty DOES pay. i told her exactly how i felt about her and the ways in which i was handling the relationship that she was unaware of. she could tell i was speaking from the heart (she thought i was crying...), which comforted her greatly and put her mind at ease. after this talk, which began in a mildly confrontational manner but actually became very pleasant, she was so happy she couldnt stop smiling, to the extent she became a different person. i think she's become more secure with our relationship ever since and her behaviour is now almost uninhibited because she feels it is a serious and not fleeting bond (which due to my personality, clingy, desperate etc. i am practically incapable of, tbh...).
today it rained, heavily. we were caught in it with summer clothing, and had a jacket between us. so, being a gentleman (that's right...), i conceded it to her, which she reluctantly accepted (after much cajoling). she had told me before that i was the first person to do sumthing like this for her, which is frankly embarassing for the men in her life, but i had no problems with it, being more accustomed to the weather than her. i walked her home, getting happily soaked. she kept looking at me as we walked, with cute, round eyes, almost in an adoring manner, and i couldnt help but smile back. when we arrived there, i was to leave for home myself, so she gave me back my jacket. while doing so, she told me that i liked her too much to do sumthing like that for her. maybe it's just her situation with men she has known before, in that i treat her better than they have, or maybe i really do like her more than she likes me, tbh i cant put my finger on what she meant by that. i'm not worried that she doesnt like me, not at all, but i am beginning to wonder if my dependence on her is greater than hers on me. and what could this mean in the future if it is true? any comments would be greatly appreciated, i must admit my views are black and white on issues like this, and have no experience to draw from. anyway, when leaving her home, i looked back and she was still standing at the entrance as i walked away, and was still there as i disappeared out of sight, about 100m and 60 seconds later (dont know if thats a good pace or not, maybe i'm just a slow walker...).
so, i'm off to her place now (i've done my work for the day, honest!). i've been spending far too much time with her, but i really couldnt care less tbh. looking forward to seeing her again (5hrs after the last time...)
firstly, a minor note, the other night, she said to me 'i love you'. minor note because her state of mind was perhaps less than lucid, (sleepy, not inebriated) which meant she didnt remember it in the morning. but i found it rather amusing nonetheless, and obviously dont take it too seriously.
then the other day, we were talking casually, when she asked me how seriously i was taking our relationship. she told me she felt i wasn't trying hard enough to understand her and her situation, which is difficult and different to mine. i always expected a question like that to floor me, but i handled it very well. honesty DOES pay. i told her exactly how i felt about her and the ways in which i was handling the relationship that she was unaware of. she could tell i was speaking from the heart (she thought i was crying...), which comforted her greatly and put her mind at ease. after this talk, which began in a mildly confrontational manner but actually became very pleasant, she was so happy she couldnt stop smiling, to the extent she became a different person. i think she's become more secure with our relationship ever since and her behaviour is now almost uninhibited because she feels it is a serious and not fleeting bond (which due to my personality, clingy, desperate etc. i am practically incapable of, tbh...).
today it rained, heavily. we were caught in it with summer clothing, and had a jacket between us. so, being a gentleman (that's right...), i conceded it to her, which she reluctantly accepted (after much cajoling). she had told me before that i was the first person to do sumthing like this for her, which is frankly embarassing for the men in her life, but i had no problems with it, being more accustomed to the weather than her. i walked her home, getting happily soaked. she kept looking at me as we walked, with cute, round eyes, almost in an adoring manner, and i couldnt help but smile back. when we arrived there, i was to leave for home myself, so she gave me back my jacket. while doing so, she told me that i liked her too much to do sumthing like that for her. maybe it's just her situation with men she has known before, in that i treat her better than they have, or maybe i really do like her more than she likes me, tbh i cant put my finger on what she meant by that. i'm not worried that she doesnt like me, not at all, but i am beginning to wonder if my dependence on her is greater than hers on me. and what could this mean in the future if it is true? any comments would be greatly appreciated, i must admit my views are black and white on issues like this, and have no experience to draw from. anyway, when leaving her home, i looked back and she was still standing at the entrance as i walked away, and was still there as i disappeared out of sight, about 100m and 60 seconds later (dont know if thats a good pace or not, maybe i'm just a slow walker...).
so, i'm off to her place now (i've done my work for the day, honest!). i've been spending far too much time with her, but i really couldnt care less tbh. looking forward to seeing her again (5hrs after the last time...)
Last edited by silvermoon on Wed Oct 26, 2005 5:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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silvermoon
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hull_street
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When I read this, I couldn't help but think of that scene in "The Grudge", where Bill Pullman is reading the young woman's journal, and sees his name written repeatedly on page 1, and page 25, and page 154...Congruous wrote:The "dependence" issue is a moot point because you will never really know how dependent she is on you. If you did find out, it might make you uncomfortable. All you have is your perception and what she tells you.
By the way, Ith, "tbh" = "to be honest", I believe.
I don't wish to be a wet blanket, Silvermoon, but please try to maintain some level of detachment to your current situation. I have a feeling that you are setting yourself up for a very, VERY hard fall here. The lights that burn brightest tend to be the ones that blow out the fastest. Pace yourself. And not that I want to get you "in trouble" or anything, but you might want to maintain some level of contact with that "other" friend you were telling us about earlier. Don't alienate her for the sake of this relationship. Just my two cents.
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Just Like Honey...
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silvermoon
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thanks for the comments, all duly noted. just yesterday, we had a very lengthy talk about having spent so much time with each other. i was worried that our time together would hinder her from meeting friends making her more dependent on me, and that i might be suffocating her with the attention. she revealed to me why she had been so willing to see me so much, and it involved the 'other' friend. suffice to say that she felt responsible for not being there for me that night, which might have pushed me towards the aforementioned friend. of course i assured her that this was not the case, and i still believe that alienating her for the time being would help to smooth things over, even though 'charlotte' told me she would not object to me meeting her again, but in less uncomfortable circumstances. in the future maybe, but not now. speaking of the friend, i saw her in class yesterday, and spoke to her very briefly, just a bit of small talk. i dont think she feels too bad that i am avoiding her, as we only knew each other for less than a week and spoke twice, so i dont feel obligated to resume that friendship anytime soon. anyway, this weekend i will be seeing 'charlotte' less as she has other ppl to meet, so maybe this time away will help to slow things down. but i certainly agree that a relationship at this pace is set to crash and burn, so i'll try my best to do the right thing for the long term and not just turn to her whenever.
that said, it should be noted that two things came up in our conversations that are encouraging for the future. firstly, she was a little concerned when she thought comments i made about meeting more friends were to soften the blow for her when we break up. she had mentioned before about whether we could still be friends after our break-up (its all so pessimistic...), but this time she seemed genuinely concerned when the issue came up (or didnt, but she thought it did). coupled with convos from previous nights, its nice to know that she's begun to look at us as being in a proper, meaningful relationship, which i truly believe we have. on top of that, she even began prepping me for meeting her family and parents, teaching me the basics of the language (foreign) and certain things about the culture. she mentioned that 'when i meet them' it would be in a couple of yrs time at the earliest. so clearly she's looking at a future with me in it, so with some sage advice from my peers here i might yet get to see the day (i realise i'm dreaming now, i'm not taking it as seriously as i say).
one final note: long before i began talking about my current 'charlotte', there was another. she has always been a good friend of mine, and for a time i hoped she would be more, but that never happened of course, and for a very brief while we lost contact. however, recently we have been speaking again in the manner that we used to. except not, as she complained that of late i havnt been able to talk just as a friend because everything i said would always lead back to 'charlotte'. i've since changed and begun to control the self-conciousness (except for these posts, of course...), and i'm very happy to know that she's still a good friend, and is always there to support me and rein me back if i go too far. everyone needs ppl like that in their life
that said, it should be noted that two things came up in our conversations that are encouraging for the future. firstly, she was a little concerned when she thought comments i made about meeting more friends were to soften the blow for her when we break up. she had mentioned before about whether we could still be friends after our break-up (its all so pessimistic...), but this time she seemed genuinely concerned when the issue came up (or didnt, but she thought it did). coupled with convos from previous nights, its nice to know that she's begun to look at us as being in a proper, meaningful relationship, which i truly believe we have. on top of that, she even began prepping me for meeting her family and parents, teaching me the basics of the language (foreign) and certain things about the culture. she mentioned that 'when i meet them' it would be in a couple of yrs time at the earliest. so clearly she's looking at a future with me in it, so with some sage advice from my peers here i might yet get to see the day (i realise i'm dreaming now, i'm not taking it as seriously as i say).
one final note: long before i began talking about my current 'charlotte', there was another. she has always been a good friend of mine, and for a time i hoped she would be more, but that never happened of course, and for a very brief while we lost contact. however, recently we have been speaking again in the manner that we used to. except not, as she complained that of late i havnt been able to talk just as a friend because everything i said would always lead back to 'charlotte'. i've since changed and begun to control the self-conciousness (except for these posts, of course...), and i'm very happy to know that she's still a good friend, and is always there to support me and rein me back if i go too far. everyone needs ppl like that in their life
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Just Like Honey...
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That is good. I've been in a relationship where we would refuse to spend any waking moment apart, but the fact is that the further into the future you go, the more time you will have to spend apart; and if you see each other 24 hours a day now, one or both of you may not be comfortable with spending that much time apart in the future (for whatever reason, one will come up eventually), and then usually someone ends up going on a jealous streak. Glad to see you're going in the right direction!silvermoon wrote:anyway, this weekend i will be seeing 'charlotte' less as she has other ppl to meet, so maybe this time away will help to slow things down. but i certainly agree that a relationship at this pace is set to crash and burn, so i'll try my best to do the right thing for the long term and not just turn to her whenever.
I'd rather be a gear in a big, deterministic, physical machine than just some random swerving.
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silvermoon
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a couple of days ago i went to meet her and some of her friends. we got drinking, and soon enough we were all completely hammered. so we did the natural thing and played drinking games, one of which was the standard truth or dare. when it came to my turn, i was asked to reveal my true feelings towards her, and being in a less than lucid state i had no option but to be honest. ultimately, i was prompted to answer simply: do i love her or not? i took a roundabout way to get to it, but eventually i said that yes, i do love her. b4 falling asleep (or passing out, depending on how you view the resistance i put up), i said to her once again 'i love you', and she answered back 'i love you too'. the next morning i woke up, and despite the enormous hangover (i've avoided this sort of thing for so long and now i know why, i'll never touch another drop again), before leaving i said, with a certain amount of lucidity, the same words as the night before. she did not reply, but she smiled and said she was very happy to hear this.
that afternoon, still nursing my head, i decided it might be a good idea to talk with her about what had happened, and how much of it was truth. i told her that i meant everything i said (i remembered it all, so obviously i wasnt that blind drunk), and asked her whether she felt the same. she told me that due to previous experiences, she was not yet prepared to give her heart fully to another person, and she had been trying not to fall in love with me. but she wanted all along, and still does, for us to last in the long term. i told her that i would wait as long as she needed, to support her and never ask her to be anyone different for me, and just to take her time. she was happy to hear this, and eventually, before i left, she wanted to hear from me what she knew i wanted to say. i told her that i love her, and she told me that she loves me.
so, we've established that we love each other, we want to be with each other in the long term, and i would wait for her as long as was necessary for her to deal with her past, and become comfortable being with me. i am being completely honest with myself in my feelings towards her, however soon it seems to take this big a step it does not worry me because i know that it is what i want, what i have always looked for and what i have waited all this time for. i couldnt ask for any more than that, i could only ask that i didnt throw up after drinking so much and still carry a hangover a couple of days old. can't have everything, i suppose.
the only one thing that bothers me now is that she is my first proper girlfriend, but i am not hers. so, i am just hoping this inexperience will not prevent me from handling our relationship in the proper way, and above all that the baggage that she (and everyone who has been in a relationship) carries does not cause me to become jealous, or paranoid, or anything that will cause me to self destruct, because i care about her too much to lose her, but perhaps caring too much may mean i cannot detach myself from the situation and think rationally. she said that most ppl in their first relationship tend not to make it last too long, for various reasons, but in waiting for the right person to come along (and yes, she is without a shadow of a doubt in my mind, the right person for me now) i might have bitten off more than i can chew by not having handled something this big before. someone told me that i tend to think things through too much (think out loud in this case), so maybe it's just a matter of going with the flow and dealing with the situation as it comes. i can only hope that i have the correct mentality for handling this if it cannot be premeditated, because this is certainly the most serious matter in my life so far, and one i want to carry through to the end
that afternoon, still nursing my head, i decided it might be a good idea to talk with her about what had happened, and how much of it was truth. i told her that i meant everything i said (i remembered it all, so obviously i wasnt that blind drunk), and asked her whether she felt the same. she told me that due to previous experiences, she was not yet prepared to give her heart fully to another person, and she had been trying not to fall in love with me. but she wanted all along, and still does, for us to last in the long term. i told her that i would wait as long as she needed, to support her and never ask her to be anyone different for me, and just to take her time. she was happy to hear this, and eventually, before i left, she wanted to hear from me what she knew i wanted to say. i told her that i love her, and she told me that she loves me.
so, we've established that we love each other, we want to be with each other in the long term, and i would wait for her as long as was necessary for her to deal with her past, and become comfortable being with me. i am being completely honest with myself in my feelings towards her, however soon it seems to take this big a step it does not worry me because i know that it is what i want, what i have always looked for and what i have waited all this time for. i couldnt ask for any more than that, i could only ask that i didnt throw up after drinking so much and still carry a hangover a couple of days old. can't have everything, i suppose.
the only one thing that bothers me now is that she is my first proper girlfriend, but i am not hers. so, i am just hoping this inexperience will not prevent me from handling our relationship in the proper way, and above all that the baggage that she (and everyone who has been in a relationship) carries does not cause me to become jealous, or paranoid, or anything that will cause me to self destruct, because i care about her too much to lose her, but perhaps caring too much may mean i cannot detach myself from the situation and think rationally. she said that most ppl in their first relationship tend not to make it last too long, for various reasons, but in waiting for the right person to come along (and yes, she is without a shadow of a doubt in my mind, the right person for me now) i might have bitten off more than i can chew by not having handled something this big before. someone told me that i tend to think things through too much (think out loud in this case), so maybe it's just a matter of going with the flow and dealing with the situation as it comes. i can only hope that i have the correct mentality for handling this if it cannot be premeditated, because this is certainly the most serious matter in my life so far, and one i want to carry through to the end