just letting it all out..
Posted: Thu May 18, 2006 3:55 pm
goodday to you, whoever is reading this.
I just felt like spilling my guts, y'know just trying to get things of my chest. I have been trying to do this for about a month now but still, little succes..
First i should introduce myself, sorry bout that, I'm nick. And like you all a huge fan of the movie. Let me tell you about my heartache.
Yes a Love thing. What else could make one feel like this.
First of all i'd like to say, i'm going to tell you about this from my point of view and i'd like to point out that the woman in question is a good person at heart.
She was my best friend since i was 14. We didnt live in the same city but we had letters and msn and so on. I felt like she was my rock y'know. (We actualy met in a chatroom by accident and ended up swapping adresses) I was 18 now and was invited at her place for a halloweenparty. We ended up kissing the morning after (to cut a long story short) and i was in my first real relationship. Finding "the one" had always been my biggest dream. So, you couldnt find a happier man at that time. Now she meant everything to me. I wanted to share every step trough life with her. And wanting to see her happy had always been my priority. At first i suppose everything was just peachy. But (my mistake ofcourse) since we could only see each other in the weekend due to the long distance between us, i started giving up all my hobby's. I thought she was more important then all those things.. like sports and drawing and stuff. So i kinda gave it up to have more time with her.
She on the other hand always had something to do and it wasnt long before it was "Her way or the highway" I feel like in that time i had done so so so much for her.. and we never did anything i liked anymore. Now things weren't as bad as mentioned above at the time. Do you know the feeling how at the time you might not see a problem but afterwards everything becomes clear? its something like that. So it was kinda my fault for always tagging along.
I have always been somewhat of a romantic. (i have my flaws no question) for example i once read a dictionairy and marked all the sweet words or words that reminded me of her, then decorated it and gave it as a valentines present. I also spent weeks painting her. She was my first real painting every.. When she was sick i spent my entire afternoon on a train to get to her to bring her a rose. i only had an hour to be with her and take care of her till i had to take my train back home. When she needed a massage or anything i'd always do those things without whining..
It suddenly started to annoy when i never got (or not much anyway) any of that affection back. In fact the harder i tried to be sweet the more she would take it for granted..
Altough i dont believe she would ever cheat or something like that. She spent alot of time with other people rather than me. She went to the movies and pizza hut and shopping with this guy who i thought was a real jerk. i remember i told her how i felt about it, and i ended up apologizing.. i don't know why cause it turns out after this guy couldnt get what he wanted out of my Xgirlfriend he started hitting on her little sister (which was just so sick.. he was 26 she 16) I never did get an apology from Eve (which is my X her name)
another example: i had to take medication for a while during the relationship and felt pretty weak physicaly because of that. She never once came visit me when i was sick..
On vacation without any reason really, she started calling me names "you're stupid for example" i counted about 27 insults a day.. nice vacation huh.. and i still put up with it. I thought things would change.
In fact i couldnt handle this anymore and wanted to break up. i gave her a new chance however. Things didnt change much. She didnt call me any more names but i still did so many things for her and all i asked in return was to go see a movie i really really wanted to see. She REFUSED..
I put up with it till we we're together for 2years and 4 months. I couldnt be happy anymore and she suggested we break up. I thought yea, this is for the best. I still thought of her as my best friend. But she broke promises.. wasnt there for me. And got a new boyfriend just like that.
That was IT for me. I've broken all contact since last month. I feel so stupid for doing all these things for her for so long.. and for saying things like you're the one and i love you a thousand times, for wanting to die for her.. i feel so stupid. Also my Soul is quite busted. And she doesnt seem to care. She's having fun with her new boyfriend i suppose and she's prob mad because i broke all contact. She's not a bad person but i got really hurt out of all this.
Don't think i miss her or anything like that, im not blind anymore.
I just feel like i gotta start a new life.. i have alot of anger in me. I feel naive and stupid. I know im still young, im almost 21. But i don't believe in much anymore.. and i doubt if i believe in true love, which is what i always thought i lived for. i feel lost. im ok. im doing fine. But im lost.
I just felt like spilling my guts, y'know just trying to get things of my chest. I have been trying to do this for about a month now but still, little succes..
First i should introduce myself, sorry bout that, I'm nick. And like you all a huge fan of the movie. Let me tell you about my heartache.
Yes a Love thing. What else could make one feel like this.
First of all i'd like to say, i'm going to tell you about this from my point of view and i'd like to point out that the woman in question is a good person at heart.
She was my best friend since i was 14. We didnt live in the same city but we had letters and msn and so on. I felt like she was my rock y'know. (We actualy met in a chatroom by accident and ended up swapping adresses) I was 18 now and was invited at her place for a halloweenparty. We ended up kissing the morning after (to cut a long story short) and i was in my first real relationship. Finding "the one" had always been my biggest dream. So, you couldnt find a happier man at that time. Now she meant everything to me. I wanted to share every step trough life with her. And wanting to see her happy had always been my priority. At first i suppose everything was just peachy. But (my mistake ofcourse) since we could only see each other in the weekend due to the long distance between us, i started giving up all my hobby's. I thought she was more important then all those things.. like sports and drawing and stuff. So i kinda gave it up to have more time with her.
She on the other hand always had something to do and it wasnt long before it was "Her way or the highway" I feel like in that time i had done so so so much for her.. and we never did anything i liked anymore. Now things weren't as bad as mentioned above at the time. Do you know the feeling how at the time you might not see a problem but afterwards everything becomes clear? its something like that. So it was kinda my fault for always tagging along.
I have always been somewhat of a romantic. (i have my flaws no question) for example i once read a dictionairy and marked all the sweet words or words that reminded me of her, then decorated it and gave it as a valentines present. I also spent weeks painting her. She was my first real painting every.. When she was sick i spent my entire afternoon on a train to get to her to bring her a rose. i only had an hour to be with her and take care of her till i had to take my train back home. When she needed a massage or anything i'd always do those things without whining..
It suddenly started to annoy when i never got (or not much anyway) any of that affection back. In fact the harder i tried to be sweet the more she would take it for granted..
Altough i dont believe she would ever cheat or something like that. She spent alot of time with other people rather than me. She went to the movies and pizza hut and shopping with this guy who i thought was a real jerk. i remember i told her how i felt about it, and i ended up apologizing.. i don't know why cause it turns out after this guy couldnt get what he wanted out of my Xgirlfriend he started hitting on her little sister (which was just so sick.. he was 26 she 16) I never did get an apology from Eve (which is my X her name)
another example: i had to take medication for a while during the relationship and felt pretty weak physicaly because of that. She never once came visit me when i was sick..
On vacation without any reason really, she started calling me names "you're stupid for example" i counted about 27 insults a day.. nice vacation huh.. and i still put up with it. I thought things would change.
In fact i couldnt handle this anymore and wanted to break up. i gave her a new chance however. Things didnt change much. She didnt call me any more names but i still did so many things for her and all i asked in return was to go see a movie i really really wanted to see. She REFUSED..
I put up with it till we we're together for 2years and 4 months. I couldnt be happy anymore and she suggested we break up. I thought yea, this is for the best. I still thought of her as my best friend. But she broke promises.. wasnt there for me. And got a new boyfriend just like that.
That was IT for me. I've broken all contact since last month. I feel so stupid for doing all these things for her for so long.. and for saying things like you're the one and i love you a thousand times, for wanting to die for her.. i feel so stupid. Also my Soul is quite busted. And she doesnt seem to care. She's having fun with her new boyfriend i suppose and she's prob mad because i broke all contact. She's not a bad person but i got really hurt out of all this.
Don't think i miss her or anything like that, im not blind anymore.
I just feel like i gotta start a new life.. i have alot of anger in me. I feel naive and stupid. I know im still young, im almost 21. But i don't believe in much anymore.. and i doubt if i believe in true love, which is what i always thought i lived for. i feel lost. im ok. im doing fine. But im lost.