Having an LIT moment

[Suntory]

I think I used to have these moments but can now call them LIT moments. And they often last for more than a moment. Basically an urge to run out late at night and go to a bar, get wrapped around a cold frosty, and find a kindred spirit of the opposite sex to talk about life, the universe, everything! Im having that now. And the funny thing is someone posted one on the areyouawake yahoo group about a real new group of singles that will meet for cocktails LIT style! If I was single then I would join! Ah, the good old days! Hey if anyone goes to that let us know how it was!

Oh I see its in Denver only.
They should use meetup.com and get it going internationally!

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Lost_In_T ... In_Denver/

So then you may ask well if Im not single why do I get these urges?!
Well if Bob and Charlotte werent single why did they?!
Well there ya go!
Actually I am in a much happier relationship than they were but
even so its a natural part of some people's personality to get restless,
to want to go out and meet new people. And platonically just like in LIT!!!

[LJ Rucker]

I sing "Peace, Love, and Understanding" everywhere.

LJ Rucker
~Definitely not as good as Bill

[phillygalinutah]

Boards like this are like LIT moments. I'm married, have three children and work full-time, but I still enjoy meeting kindred spirits to talk about life, shared interests, state of the world, and most anything. I do it in my life too. Each day is like a present, you never know who you'll meet so I try my best to live my life positively "for the distance" with others. Maybe my personal encounters will be only moments, but perhaps I or another person will have a nice memory, be a "better person", learn a new insight, make a different decision, or appreciate life and those they love more

[hull_street]

I've been in Las Vegas this week (hence my lack of posts). August 4th, 6 PM, at the MGM Grand Hotel. I am walking back to my room from a conference I was at, and find myself walking behind an attractive, tastefully-dressed, fast-paced woman (all 3 traits immediately set her apart from the crowd). Turns out that we are both heading for the elevators, and she just happens to be in my block of floors (4-12). The elevator lobby is jammed with what seems to be hundreds of people, all of whom are flooding to fill every available space in each elevator as it opens. Thanks to my dislike of crowds, I decide to hang back, wait for the mob to disperse, then hit the "up" button again. The elevator right next to me opens up, empty. The woman has decided to hang back, as well. She hears the bell and turns as I stand in front of the elevator. I look at her for a second, nod in the direction of my elevator, and say something to the effect of, "there's just something unappealing about the crushing mass of humanity". She smiles, gets in the elevator, and we hit our respective floors. Just as the doors are about to close, we are swamped with an influx of 15 people, who manage to trap the two of us to opposite corners. I am reduced to seeing her via the reflection of the elevator doors, and I smile in a kind of "karma has bushwhacked me" way. I am on floor six, and the trip is horribly short. I know I will never see this woman again, and I am suddenly aware that I have just had an LiT moment.

[Suntory]

Wow that is cool!!!!!

Did you ever see her again?
Did you think about trying to talk to her more?

Did you think about allowing yourself to make a complete fool of yourself (but in a good way!) to try and get her into a conversation even if she
rebuffs you advances? I know that takes a bit of guts and a bit of
craziness and you have to be in the "zone" to allow it to happen
spontaneously. I guess looking at the ring finger first to get a clue might
help too.

[hull_street]

Woulda, coulda, shoulda. The real beauty in having LiT moments is really just savoring them for what they are, I think. It's just a brief, unspoken connection with someone you don't know, where you just completely understand each other. Would I like to see her again? Absolutely. The 45 seconds she was in my life are a nice enough memory to keep, though. And there's no need to check for a ring during a LiT moment...it's not going to go anywhere, anyway.

[Suntory]

Yea.

[hull_street]

Well, you know, hindsight is 20/20, and all that. For what it's worth, I headed downstairs to the bar later, ordered a whiskey (Crown Royal, not Suntory, unfortunately), and hoped to catch a glimpse of her amongst the thousands there. I forgot to wear my tux with the metal-clippy things, though...

[Suntory]

Perhaps that is part of the LiT moment experience, going to the bar and
the wondering if you'll see them again or not. . .

I think you made some good points before about the LiT moment.
There can be several types of LiT moments certainly.
All depends on the circumstances and all that.

This reminds me of the time I started working at this company a couple
years ago and there was a hot 18 year old female summer intern who worked
at the front desk. I think we secretly had a thing for each other but I
was married and almost twice her age and she was going off to college in
the fall so it never would've worked anyway.

[silvermoon]

not so much a moment, more a period of alienation and loneliness while abroad followed by an intense desire for another who you can communicate and connect with. theres a girl i always liked, and when being abroad together i found myself immensely attracted to her. even little things like phonecalls became incredibly exciting. since returning home, however, we have failed to sustain our relationship, and i am only weeks away from never seeing her again. which is painful as i have never connected with another as much as her, even if ultimately it turned out to probably be unrequited. which shows you how deluded i am. but i can honestly say that if in my whole life i meet someone as beautiful, intelligent and charismatic as her, i should get myself a lottery ticket. i'm finding that someone can be your true love and you not be their's. which is annoying.

[I65]

even if ultimately it turned out to probably be unrequited..

I am confused by this part of your post. Are you saying that you don't know if it is unrequited?

[silvermoon]

yes, but i'm almost certain she doesn't. but she is such a guarded and conservative individual i am never sure. every so often she can do or say something that completely throws me off guard, and when surrounded by (male) friends she comes to me, even when we did not know each other that well. she is constantly talking of relationships (not her own), however, having been raised in a very traditional environment, she has a very strong defence mechanism that deflects all matters to do with real relationships. she has never had a boyfriend, but certainly not for lack of admirers (everyone i know). i have gently tried to raise the issue once or twice (making a complete fool of myself in the process), and she begins to humour me, but eventually subtly avoids the topic.
i do realise that i am ultimately deluding myself, it's just that it's hard to accept that you can find the right person in your life and know they are always out of reach. simply, she represents everything in another person i've always wanted, but i'm not that person to her. i have tried to avoid her in the past, and focus my mind elsewhere, but it only lasts until the next time i see her name, or she contacts me. i realise i am very weak minded in this respect, it's just an immensely strong emotional reaction i cant control.
the single instant that sums it up was when we had known each other for barely a few months. i hardly knew her name and we had never spoken meaningfully before. she came up behind me, gently brushed my hair then disappeared. that is the most intimate i have ever seen her with anyone. i suppose thats my LiT moment as a microcosm of our relationship. a brief, unexpected moment, going nowhere.
i know i'm rambling, it's just she did it again. she got me all excited about doing something exciting together (her suggestion) only to pull out at the last minute. that's the 3rd time this yr. i must enjoy the frustration because it's all i have with her. proof of my delusion.
anyway, i'm very sorry for posting so much, i've just bottled it up for so long it's suffocating. if anyone reads this, thank you very much, and you'll have to excuse the fact i'm so weak minded. perhaps the only thing that will save me is that i am aware of this fact

[I65]

So many questions...Silvermoon...

You say that she is going to be leaving in a few weeks and you will never see her again. Why is that? Is she moving far away from you? Do you plan to continue communication via e-mail, snail mail or phone with her?

There are many reasons that a young woman would put up a wall around her and "block" anything that starts leading to a discussion about a relationship. That defense mechanism would kick into full gear if she was talking about it with someone that she saw herself as having the possibility of having a serious relationship with.

Have you thought about sending her a letter or an e-mail about how you feel about her? It sounds like you have tried to have some conversations with her about this that she has effectively blocked before they got too far. Perhaps if you put your feelings down in words to her, it is something that she could read, without you there, and absorb.

You may find out that she does not feel the same about you, but what do you lose by doing this? At this point you don't feel like you are ever going to see her again, so in a way, it is your last chance to let her know how you truly feel. If she doesn't respond in kind, it would at least give you some closure on it, and may make it easier to go forward with other relationships. And think of what you have to gain.

From what you said about her, if you did send such a letter or e-mail, I don't think you would get an immediate response. It sounds like you have some deep feelings for her that she has a hard time dealing with. I think that this is something that would take her a long time to digest before she could respond to you, so if you do decide to write her, I wouldn't be too disheartened if she didn't send an immediate response.

From what you have said, at this point it seems to me like you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by letting her know in words how you feel. If nothing else, the act of writing the letter can be cathartic. Of course you need to do what is best for you, and I am most likely WAY out of bounds suggesting this, but I can't help but feel from the your posts that you may go through your life wondering "what if" if you don't take this risk.

[silvermoon]

thank you very much for the advice and support, ithildriel. you raised several points i had never realised and opened up an option i am seriously considering.
i will be moving away to university in a few weeks, on the other side of the UK, and i do not plan to return home much. and in those yrs we will surely drift apart. we still plan on staying in contact, but i will have to see what happens in the next few weeks first.
unfortunately, the last time i explicitly detailed my feelings towards her they were gently diverted away. naturally i spose, we had a degree of difficulty communicating for a while before things returned to normal (if they ever did). i was never sure if what she did was a gentle rejection or simply a case of wrong timing. however, i believe you may be correct in saying that i should detail everything in a letter. i think it is too late to expect something in the next few weeks, but if my feelings are reciprocated at least i can look forward to when the time is right for the both of us in the future, if we should see each other again. and if not, closure will help as i look to get a fresh start. it's funny, i posted on another thread about taking risks in love for a chance of ultimate happiness, it's about time i lived up to that.
anyway, thank you again for providing me with direction. it is great to find those individuals who can freely talk of such issues with eloquence and sensitivity. and i apologise again for rambling on, this is just my phase of self concious ponderings.
also, if you should feel prepared to talk about it, i would be interested to hear of your 'grandfather story', if that is correct? i wonder is this the post u made on the imdb boards that were deleted b4 i arrived on the thread? anyway, in due time

[I65]

I'm glad your taking the step. I just get the feeling you will regret it if you don't.

And yes, all my posts got deleted from IMDB, and I will share my story one of these days, but like I said in a post yesterday, I'm enjoying spending this last weekend with my husband, with a few cig breaks at the computer, checking in.

[52FM]

Silvermoon - I can't add anything to what Ith said, other than I agree you should express your feelings. (I described Ithildriel as being wise, and it didn't take her long to demonstrate that.)

I would say that the letter/message should be from the heart, but not so emotional that it may cause her to back away. It sounds like you have a real friendship, which could take many years to blossom into romance. Or maybe it won't at all; if not, then you would preferably still want the friendship.

One of my sons has a female friend that he would be interested in moving the relationship to a next level; my only advice to him is to remember that ultimately, you will want your life partner to be your best friend. Life will be lonely otherwise. So developing the friendship in my mind is as important, or maybe more, than the romance - which will either happen naturally or not at all.

[52FM]

Don't know if anyone read the above post yet, but I realized I had to edit it. Tyoed too fast this morning; I meant to type "years" and it came out "tears".

Interesting how close the two are (on the keyboard, if not real life.)

[I65]

Yes, I saw the many tears, and thought it was appropriate, as they both go hand in hand.

[silvermoon]

i found out that she thinks of me as 'just good mates' from a reliable friend of mine. it was an actual record of a conversation they had, so it's true. furthermore, there was a major film event weekend we were going to attend together (with others present), but she cancelled, and trying to get her to change her mind failed. not so much the fact she did cancel, but for something she would have enjoyed (for free!), and in an offhand manner, tells me everything i need to know. i'm devastated, and yet i feel oddly detached atm. strange, considering i always thought she was the perfect embodiment of what i wanted in another person, and whose presence alone would lift me. i havnt written a letter to her, but with this evidence it appears the option is no longer required. thank you for the advice given anyway, it certainly helped and i think closure will eventually help me to accept it easier. the good thing is i always suspected this, so as deluded as i was i was still aware enough to prepare mentally for it. i think it was more the hope she was the One that kept me hanging on, but at least it's settled now, before we part. i spose i can afford a fresh start now, and hopefully one day reunite with a good friend

[I65]

Well it sounds like you have a good step towards closure on your feelings for her, and that you feel that you can still be friends. You have a big adventure ahead you. Enjoy it!