Banter or Flirting?

[52FM]

Thought I'd get some opinions on this from this crowd. There is no "cop-out" answer offered! Nothing like "it depends..." And this is NOT how you necessarily feel - it's how you perceive that MOST people feel. Either YES or NO.

[wiggle]

I chose "Yes" because if you're able to have "banter" with somebody, it usually means you get on with them, which can be seen as flirting.

[lemoncupcake]

I chose yes as well. Even when it's just normal conversation between two people, others see it as flirting

[I65]

I also voted yes. It is an unfortunate part of my existance that I find that if I banter on a messageboard with men, it is seen as flirting. Heck, I've even been told to come out of the closet for some of the banter I have had with women.

That being said, I am a flirt.

[tsooml]

Define your terms and I'll vote.

[52FM]

Banter - light hearted verbal exchange; sometimes involving what might appear to be an insult but clearly (at least to the person its directed to) meant to be a joke. Often this involves "inside" jokes referring to specific situations known jsut to those two or a smaller group of people. There are many types of banter - some seems sarcastic, other just observations, some subtle, some shockingly direct. What sets it apart is that it's meant in a way that says anything from "we get along well" to"we have an understanding".

Flirting - banter that says seems to be saying "I'd like to get to know you on a more than platonic basis." Often it's innocent - sort of like play acting as though you're checking for interest or declaring availability romantically, just to see if you still "have it".

So - the question is: if a member of one gender jokes around in such a way with a member of the opposite gender, do most people (in your opinion) tend to assume that one or both are flirting?

[52FM]

BTW - I banter all the time with my almost 20 year old daughter. Also with my 21 year old son. I've been doing it since they were toddlers. My older son (almost 25) doesn't take it well so I've learned to back off. My wife used to like it, but over time issues we've had have rendered it almost destrutive. I am gradually - ever so slowly - introducing it back into our life. (And with her, at times, it is blantant flirting!)

[I65]

BTW - I banter all the time with my almost 20 year old daughter. Also with my 21 year old son. I've been doing it since they were toddlers. My older son (almost 25) doesn't take it well so I've learned to back off. My wife used to like it, but over time issues we've had have rendered it almost destrutive. I am gradually - ever so slowly - introducing it back into our life. (And with her, at times, it is blantant flirting!)

Good. Flirting is healthy.

Well, maybe it isn't but that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

She just needs to know that you aren't going to let some woman talk you away from her. You know it, but she needs to, in her heart. The only one that can convince her of that though, is her.

[tsooml]

"I suppose if a man and woman banter, it is often a sign that they'd be willing to go at it. I don't get much bantering in, and no flirting.

God[u:a1804c8f34]damn[/u:a1804c8f34]it!"

[52FM]

I meant that I'm trying to banter with my wife - and flirt with her as well. I'm hoping that she'll accept my bantering with other people because she won't feel left out. I think she sees me having these little back and forth jokes and feels that there is a comfort zone or understanding that she wants to have with me. So hopefully if I can do that with her, she wont' feel left out.

That's her biggest problem now - feeling left out. That I had or want to have some type of understnading and inside sense of "belonging" with another woman. I want HER to be that special someone. Forever.

But I also want to be able to have a friend (and NOT excluding females) and not have them run away from me or have my wife feel like they should stay away from me.

And I'm a little shook up seeing a side of my daughter that I never knew was there. I once thought my daughter was a lot like me. I am seeing lately I was very wrong. She is more judgmental and controlling that I ever could have imagined. I once thought she'd see my side of the conflict I feel - but I now know she would not.

[I65]

I knew you meant your wife. Sorry I didn't make that clear.

Sorry you are having misunderstandings with your daughter.

I wish only the best for all of you.