Happy Valentines Day everyone!!!
Moderator: Bob
Happy Valentines Day everyone!!!
It's snowing in Boston but we still might go out to dinner tonight, if not tomorrow at our favorite Japanese restaurant.
I have to work my second job tonight so no V-Day dinner for us. My wife is trying to be a trooper about it, but I know her too well - she's pissed. But given we're in counseling about things far more important than this, she is trying to not let it show. Her phone call detailing everything all her friends are doing while she sits home, alone, watching TV and then going to bed before I get home, told me how she really feels.
It's just a day - I feel like I'm giving US the best gift I can by spending thousands on counseling; and my second job is therefore more important than ever. But - V-Day unfortunately is like Christmas in that people get into the gift giving etc and forget the meaning.
I gave her a small gift this morning (I resolved to quit spending so much money trying to relieve the stress of worrying if it's enough in her eyes) and a card, and wished her a Happy V-Day when I first saw her. And apologized for the 6th or 7th time for V-Day falling on a day I have ot work (as if I had control of that). I know she expected me to not work tonight just to be with her. In worse times, this woudl have been a major arguement. No - I take that back. In worse times she woudl have let me have it, I'd give in and say I was wrong and she was right.
So I guess you can call it progress.
It's just a day - I feel like I'm giving US the best gift I can by spending thousands on counseling; and my second job is therefore more important than ever. But - V-Day unfortunately is like Christmas in that people get into the gift giving etc and forget the meaning.
I gave her a small gift this morning (I resolved to quit spending so much money trying to relieve the stress of worrying if it's enough in her eyes) and a card, and wished her a Happy V-Day when I first saw her. And apologized for the 6th or 7th time for V-Day falling on a day I have ot work (as if I had control of that). I know she expected me to not work tonight just to be with her. In worse times, this woudl have been a major arguement. No - I take that back. In worse times she woudl have let me have it, I'd give in and say I was wrong and she was right.
So I guess you can call it progress.
Well there is always the weekend for a belated V-day celebration. And perhaps you two could stay out a little later than you could have tonight. It was too icy for us to think about going out tonight.
Otherwise, did your wife get you anything for V-day? I always felt that it was a day for couples to celebrate romance, but these days it seems to have morphed into a day where the women get all the gifts and pampering. How on earth did that happen?
I feel that you are trying very hard to make your marriage better, but your wife... not so much.
Otherwise, did your wife get you anything for V-day? I always felt that it was a day for couples to celebrate romance, but these days it seems to have morphed into a day where the women get all the gifts and pampering. How on earth did that happen?
I feel that you are trying very hard to make your marriage better, but your wife... not so much.
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silvermoon
- Suntory Time
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- Joined: Fri Aug 12, 2005 6:48 pm
wow, noone can celebrate valentines day it seems. mine wont happen for another 10 days. but i hope those who did celebrate it had a wonderful romantic day, and that the men did something for once altho in my case, my charlotte always expects me to sweep her off her feet, and be a man about it, take the lead, all that, so i would like to experience this reverse pampering sometime
altho in my case, my charlotte always expects me to sweep her off her feet, and be a man about it, take the lead, all that, so i would like to experience this reverse pampering sometimeWell, when I got home my wife was asleep; I have a hard time getting right ot sleep after working at night so I usually stay up to watch TV. (In fact - as several people may remember - that's how I stumbled on LiT in the first place.) Plus - since I was giving a test, I couldn't get dinner between classes (students come in early with last minute questions) - so I ate when I got home and stayed up to midnight so it had at least some chance of digesting first.
Anyway - we do plan on going out this weekend - as we normally do. And yes, my wife gave me a card, a small teddy bear gift card holder and a gift card to Barnes and Noble. I gave her a book as well. She does not like flowers at all, or chocolate either. I gave her a bonsai tree as part of her birthday gift (delivered to her school) and she complained the other day that she's having a hard time keeping it alive.
Anyway, I could tell her expectations were set to zero so she would not create an issue. It's one of the many problems we've worked on, and so far it seems her change in that regard is real. She is showing appreciation for gifts rather than disappointment that it wasn't something more or different.
I don't mean to paint a picture that my wife is not trying. She is, in her way, and when I reflect back at how far we'v come - it's significant. But when I look at where I want us to be, well, it's a long way. We just are still on different planes but at least they're intersecting again instead of being skewed like they were for so long. (By the way, Pockets - I'm a mathematician by education so I tend to think of things that way. It can annoy people sometimes, I've found.)
Anyway - the last thing I needed this V-Day was added stress, and all in all I think this worked out OK. I've got the two jobs - with the main one being very time consuming (I worked until 7:00 last Friday and then 12 hours on Saturday) and I've fallen behind in my grading for my classes - and there is always some drama or trauma in one or more of my kids' lives to deal with. They are turning more to my wife than they used to after changes she has made - so there is progress there as well. But they still call me at work or at home to talk specifically to me over certain things (and my wife hasq stopped fealing threatened by that). I would never want them to feel anything but comfort from me as I know they do. (When I die, the best epitaph would include "he was a good father".)
My wife seemed OK this morning - and we'll see how she reacts to hearing about all the wonderful romantic dinners and fantasticly sweet and thoughtful surprises all the other husbands came up with yesterday. My wife is not a big picture person - and we're working on that too. In the big picture - she sees I'm trying to improve our relationship so we both live out our lives happy. Not finding the perfect gift each time is trivial compared to that. She knows it - it's the reaction to all the other women that she has trouble with. It sounds judgemental, but at times I think some women enjoy making other women jealous - and they may do it to hide their own insecurities. I hate that crap - and my wife knows it.
Anyway - sorry for the venting. I hope your dinner was nice, Ith. And I hope your dinner this weekend is good too, Pockets.
Silvermoon - all my best again to you and your Charlotte. .
Anyway - we do plan on going out this weekend - as we normally do. And yes, my wife gave me a card, a small teddy bear gift card holder and a gift card to Barnes and Noble. I gave her a book as well. She does not like flowers at all, or chocolate either. I gave her a bonsai tree as part of her birthday gift (delivered to her school) and she complained the other day that she's having a hard time keeping it alive.
Anyway, I could tell her expectations were set to zero so she would not create an issue. It's one of the many problems we've worked on, and so far it seems her change in that regard is real. She is showing appreciation for gifts rather than disappointment that it wasn't something more or different.
I don't mean to paint a picture that my wife is not trying. She is, in her way, and when I reflect back at how far we'v come - it's significant. But when I look at where I want us to be, well, it's a long way. We just are still on different planes but at least they're intersecting again instead of being skewed like they were for so long. (By the way, Pockets - I'm a mathematician by education so I tend to think of things that way. It can annoy people sometimes, I've found.)
Anyway - the last thing I needed this V-Day was added stress, and all in all I think this worked out OK. I've got the two jobs - with the main one being very time consuming (I worked until 7:00 last Friday and then 12 hours on Saturday) and I've fallen behind in my grading for my classes - and there is always some drama or trauma in one or more of my kids' lives to deal with. They are turning more to my wife than they used to after changes she has made - so there is progress there as well. But they still call me at work or at home to talk specifically to me over certain things (and my wife hasq stopped fealing threatened by that). I would never want them to feel anything but comfort from me as I know they do. (When I die, the best epitaph would include "he was a good father".)
My wife seemed OK this morning - and we'll see how she reacts to hearing about all the wonderful romantic dinners and fantasticly sweet and thoughtful surprises all the other husbands came up with yesterday. My wife is not a big picture person - and we're working on that too. In the big picture - she sees I'm trying to improve our relationship so we both live out our lives happy. Not finding the perfect gift each time is trivial compared to that. She knows it - it's the reaction to all the other women that she has trouble with. It sounds judgemental, but at times I think some women enjoy making other women jealous - and they may do it to hide their own insecurities. I hate that crap - and my wife knows it.
Anyway - sorry for the venting. I hope your dinner was nice, Ith. And I hope your dinner this weekend is good too, Pockets.
Silvermoon - all my best again to you and your Charlotte. .
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silvermoon
- Suntory Time
- Posts: 223
- Joined: Fri Aug 12, 2005 6:48 pm
52, from the sound of things, it seems things are at least starting to head in the right direction. despite the complaining of keeping the bonsai tree alive, the exchanging of gifts, and subsequent appreciation sounds like a nice step. and i think people will always compare their own lives with others. my own mother gets jealous of my charlotte, and tells my father, 'look what your son did for his girlfriend!' i wont be celebrating valentines day with her this yr, but i have decorated her room for when she gets back. i saw one of the big valentines day signs they have hanging in shop windows, a shiny heart with cupid over it, and thought my charlotte might like it, so i managed to snag 3 of them. the looks i got as i was walking home were quite flattering it was a windy day tho, and i dropped them and had to chase them all across town, one of them almost took a guys head off... 
anyway, i hope my charlotte likes it, even if it is 10 days late. oh, i spoke to her, and her doctor said the operation was very successful and she was recovering very well. she is on crutches already, and is getting out of hospital tomorrow. oh yeah, and she got my get well soon card and the valentines day card, and seemed happy about it. and her parents were very curious to read what i had written (they dont know we are together, and i respect that her family is her own to tell), but they couldnt, so they criticised my handwriting instead.... 
all in all, very good news. our secret is safe, and i found something i hope my charlotte will appreciate, if only for a few moments
it was a windy day tho, and i dropped them and had to chase them all across town, one of them almost took a guys head off... anyway, i hope my charlotte likes it, even if it is 10 days late. oh, i spoke to her, and her doctor said the operation was very successful and she was recovering very well. she is on crutches already, and is getting out of hospital tomorrow. oh yeah, and she got my get well soon card and the valentines day card, and seemed happy about it. and her parents were very curious to read what i had written (they dont know we are together, and i respect that her family is her own to tell), but they couldnt, so they criticised my handwriting instead.... all in all, very good news. our secret is safe, and i found something i hope my charlotte will appreciate, if only for a few momentsBonsai trees are very hard to keep alive. I've killed one and my boyfriend has also. But maybe there is a bonsai club that you both could attend. Maybe this one? http://www.midwestbonsai.org/index.html We messed up on the watering schedule as there is not a lot of soil to retain moisture.
Well... yesterday was interesting for us. The weather was miserable, plus I was planning to list some items on eBay in the evening. I had gotten an email from eBay the night before around 11pm that announced Feb. 14th would be half price listings day... and I had immediately commented on that to my boyfriend. Once a month, eBay will send out emails the night before a day of discounted listings, so I try to always take advantage of those sales. So anyway, the weather was bad and we decided that we would use only one of our cars, the lesser beater one to endure the treacherous icy and also salt treated roads. That meant, my boyfriend would have to come home earliest from the garage so that I could do some errands before 5pm. That he did, but he also had it in his head that he would take me out to dinner last night. He's a very good driver and enjoys driving on empty snow-covered roads. And... he was hungry and really loves this restaurant. But... I reminded him that I was going to be listing on eBay later on. His face got all sad, plus he noticed that I wasn't at that moment actively working on my listings. So I had to remind him that my plans were set from the night before, I had told him, the roads were dangerous, my best listing hours were early evening, and since it was a buffet, once we got home, I wouldn't be in the mood to work. He understood, but said that he had wanted to do something special with me that night. Then I pointed out that he is not much for celebrating birthdays and Christmas either. In the three years that we've been together, we tend to ignore the Hallmark holidays. We've always said that we would rather appreciate each other EVERY day rather than just a few times a year. So we hugged and talked it out.... and later on that evening, he went out with friends and left me in peace to list on eBay and watch my favorite tv shows (Criminal Minds).
So in a way, I feel some of what I experienced yesterday was similar to what 52FM is going through. I think that thanks to the media, our culture has an unrealistic view of holidays like Christmas and Valentines Day. The advertising execs push these happy images on us to get us to spend more for presents and chocolates.
On another message board, one guy was going to sneak into his girlfriend's bedroom and decorate it with roses and rose petals, and then later on, make her a gourmet dinner and give her a digital camera that she's been wanting as a present. I could see many women being wowed by that, but I would find all that flowery stuff tacky. The homemade meal is fine, but I wouldn't need some camera as a present.
52FM - Maybe you should add a box of rose petals into your Valentines Day mix this weekend. Who wakes up first? If she could wake up surrounded by the petals, that might be neat.
Well... yesterday was interesting for us. The weather was miserable, plus I was planning to list some items on eBay in the evening. I had gotten an email from eBay the night before around 11pm that announced Feb. 14th would be half price listings day... and I had immediately commented on that to my boyfriend. Once a month, eBay will send out emails the night before a day of discounted listings, so I try to always take advantage of those sales. So anyway, the weather was bad and we decided that we would use only one of our cars, the lesser beater one to endure the treacherous icy and also salt treated roads. That meant, my boyfriend would have to come home earliest from the garage so that I could do some errands before 5pm. That he did, but he also had it in his head that he would take me out to dinner last night. He's a very good driver and enjoys driving on empty snow-covered roads. And... he was hungry and really loves this restaurant. But... I reminded him that I was going to be listing on eBay later on. His face got all sad, plus he noticed that I wasn't at that moment actively working on my listings. So I had to remind him that my plans were set from the night before, I had told him, the roads were dangerous, my best listing hours were early evening, and since it was a buffet, once we got home, I wouldn't be in the mood to work. He understood, but said that he had wanted to do something special with me that night. Then I pointed out that he is not much for celebrating birthdays and Christmas either. In the three years that we've been together, we tend to ignore the Hallmark holidays. We've always said that we would rather appreciate each other EVERY day rather than just a few times a year. So we hugged and talked it out.... and later on that evening, he went out with friends and left me in peace to list on eBay and watch my favorite tv shows (Criminal Minds).
So in a way, I feel some of what I experienced yesterday was similar to what 52FM is going through. I think that thanks to the media, our culture has an unrealistic view of holidays like Christmas and Valentines Day. The advertising execs push these happy images on us to get us to spend more for presents and chocolates.
On another message board, one guy was going to sneak into his girlfriend's bedroom and decorate it with roses and rose petals, and then later on, make her a gourmet dinner and give her a digital camera that she's been wanting as a present. I could see many women being wowed by that, but I would find all that flowery stuff tacky. The homemade meal is fine, but I wouldn't need some camera as a present.
52FM - Maybe you should add a box of rose petals into your Valentines Day mix this weekend. Who wakes up first? If she could wake up surrounded by the petals, that might be neat.
The rose petal idea has me envionsing this scenario -
"OK Cupid - are you going to clean up this mess?!?!"
No - her idea of romance is less symbolic and more concrete. I wanted to take her to the Art Institute this Monday (we both have off) but that has been delayed (again - it's been almost a year since I first planned on taking her but things keep coming up. It's my job(s) this time - and I need to use the day Monday to get caught up on things around the house.
But we'll make through the V-day deal - and probabily get ready mentally for the next counselign session.
Thanks for the bonsai tip; and Pockets - I was afraid you were going to say your boyfriend got into an accident. Glad your day was not THAT interesting!
"OK Cupid - are you going to clean up this mess?!?!"
No - her idea of romance is less symbolic and more concrete. I wanted to take her to the Art Institute this Monday (we both have off) but that has been delayed (again - it's been almost a year since I first planned on taking her but things keep coming up. It's my job(s) this time - and I need to use the day Monday to get caught up on things around the house.
But we'll make through the V-day deal - and probabily get ready mentally for the next counselign session.
Thanks for the bonsai tip; and Pockets - I was afraid you were going to say your boyfriend got into an accident. Glad your day was not THAT interesting!
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silvermoon
- Suntory Time
- Posts: 223
- Joined: Fri Aug 12, 2005 6:48 pm
