my 'charlotte'

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silvermoon
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my 'charlotte'

#1 Post by silvermoon » Tue Sep 27, 2005 8:43 pm

hmm...so, less than a week after declaring i would not be in contact with this board for a while, i have now made 2 rapid responses and started a thread. under normal circumstances i would not be here to write this, but the day just gone was one i had to get out there (to those who care...).

i'm at university atm. just started about 2 weeks ago. my freshers week was great fun (meeting new ppl, getting drunk occasionally...) but then i met the girl on whom this thread is based. some background info: i'm not exactly the smoothest guy in the world. there was once a girl who i also declared to be my charlotte (perhaps i am overusing the term), but that never worked out. when we were around each other i was very happy, but it was not sustained (due to my own feelings towards her being much stronger than hers towards me; in fact, what feelings?). now that we are so far apart from each other there is no issue at all. i was disappointed (as my previous posts will recall) and was very worried i would never meet another girl like her. enter my 'charlotte'...

we were introduced by another person. names were mentioned, and that was the first time we met. when that person departed, we sat together, listening to the lecture (listening but not watching; my attention was elsewhere). when leaving, we struck up a conversation, and exchanged numbers.

after a false start (a story in itself), we planned a cinema trip with her, me, my friend and hers. in the past, these promising events would ultimately dissipate into disappointment. on this occasion, however, the chain of events meant my friend had to cancel, and hers were unavailable. 30mins later and we were alone together. we walked to our destination, deep in conversation, then watched, on her insistence, a horror film (one of many of her adorable quirks). remember those innocent dates in your youth where every fright was an excuse to clutch the other persons hand tight? something so simple has rarely made me so happy. we made our way back, i delivered her home, and then spoke online again for good measure. we've arranged to meet up tomorrow, as it is a free day in our schedules, and i insisted she suggest something for us to do. i'll lose sleep tonight wondering what it will be...

regardless of response, i think i will continue to chronicle these events as they happen, simply because i am so overwhelmed with joy i cant help but blurt it out to every passing person anyway

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#2 Post by 52FM » Tue Sep 27, 2005 8:53 pm

So - how's college other than this? :)

It's great to hear this. And I agree - you probably should not think of her as "Charlotte" - she is herself, and likely to become a special friend and possibly more.
"Willoughby. Next stop is Willoughby."

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#3 Post by I65 » Tue Sep 27, 2005 9:25 pm

I'm happy for you, and look forward to your posts on your budding relationship.

And I'm sure I'm not the only one interested in this "false start" you alluded too.

Good to hear from you, and keep us posted.

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#4 Post by Congruous » Wed Sep 28, 2005 1:41 pm

Um...what's her number?




(I'm kidding. Have fun.)

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#5 Post by silvermoon » Thu Sep 29, 2005 2:55 pm

lol thanks for the replies. uni has been fantastic so far. apart from the partying and my 'charlotte' (for simplicity's sake...agreed that the term is an idea more than anything) the lectures themselves have been going well. only first week tho, so still to see...

the other night, when watching the horror film, she was startled, and i clutched her hand for the remaining 1hr of the film. i dont know if she was consciously aware she was doing it, but while holding my hand, she began gently stroking my finger, and i responded in kind. that was an incredibly sweet, innocent moment that has been haunting me for days. when the movie ended, we both sat still, unsure of what to do. the tension was palpable. we eventually let go of each others hands, but ever since i feel a barrier has been passed. we feel completely comfortable in each others company. we have spent every available moment together since.

on her insistence, i played the guitar and sang to her, then cooked for her the other day. i've never done anything like that b4, but i felt quite comfortable doing it for her. its bizarre that i knew my previous 'charlotte' (again, just a name) for 3yrs and failed to get on as well with her, while this girl i have only known for a week and all previous inhibitions have been dropped. we spent the whole of today just walking around town, completely relaxed. every spare moment we have, we are looking for each other, and if we dont know what to do at the time, we just go around alone.

i would love to list some of her adorable quirks, but for the sake of anonymity i shall end my post here. just an update, cos i feel so happy for myself. how self indulgent...
Last edited by silvermoon on Mon Oct 03, 2005 6:02 am, edited 1 time in total.

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#6 Post by 52FM » Thu Sep 29, 2005 3:21 pm

"how self indulgent..."

Yes - and nothing wrong with that in your case!
"Willoughby. Next stop is Willoughby."

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#7 Post by I65 » Thu Sep 29, 2005 5:46 pm

Thanks again for sharing. It just proves to everyone out there that reads this that hasn't found their "Charolette" yet, that she is out there.

"but while holding my hand, she began gently stroking my finger, and i responded in kind. that was an incredibly sweet, innocent moment that has been haunting me for days."

I loved reading this part. I don't know if men are different than women on this, but it made me think of a moment with my husband that I often look back on fondly. It was the first time that he put his hand on my hip. It was almost 16 years ago now, and he may not even remember it, but I always look back on it fondly. Like you said, it was just an incredibly sweet, innocent moment, but for me, it has haunted me for years.

And thinking about it also makes me think of how we can do or say things to people that touch them in ways that we can never fathom. A kind word, a look, an innocent touch, that we forget the next day or week, can last them a lifetime as a precious memory.

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#8 Post by silvermoon » Thu Sep 29, 2005 6:52 pm

quick note, i'm updating so soon after the last post because she called me earlier, presumably to do something, but has not followed it up, so for the first time in 3-4 days i wont be spending my spare time with her (well, excepting the 6hrs already 2day...). i became restless waiting around in my flat for her call (my flatmates complained i was pacing back and forth in front of their tv so i left) so now i'm here.

while she was stroking my hand, time seemed to stretch out, i was ignoring the movie completely and, perhaps more of the hope than anything, time seemed to stop. i remember wishing the film would never end (ironically, the shortest film playing at the cinemas), i was so in the moment. ever since, the tension whenever we walk or sit next to each other is so great, because i want nothing more than to hold her hand, but am unsure of how to initiate it and how she would respond.

she has many cute quirks, such as mixing soft drinks together into a cocktail, and txting me as soon as we get seperated in a crowd, or are not where we expect each other to be. also, because i am taller than her, she looks up and rolls her eyes wide when we speak. she also likes to purse her lips together and blow her cheeks out, and looks absolutely adorable while doing so. Ith is perfectly right in saying that the little things are the things we remember and that touch us. of the whole night we spent together watching the film, i can pick out certain sublime, little moments that i may remember for the rest of my life.

my flatmates tell me i'm head over heels for this girl. i must have a certain fascination with her to write this much in such a small time period. i might well have had other things to do, but nothing pleases me more than to think and talk about my 'charlotte'. there's no need to reply anytime soon, it wont be long b4 i'm back here with plenty more to say, of that i'm sure

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#9 Post by 52FM » Thu Sep 29, 2005 7:55 pm

You know, I remember another poster on this board who used the name "silvermoon" who went to university and said goodbye saying he wouldn't have time to post much. :D

Seriously - your joy is making me feel young!

Just remember why you're at the university in the first place.

(There goes the "Dad" in 52FM - just ignore him!) :wink:
"Willoughby. Next stop is Willoughby."

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#10 Post by silvermoon » Sat Oct 01, 2005 7:29 am

lol and another post...but with good reason this time, or at least a better reason than just pointing out little details. things are moving so fast its hard to decide what to write and what not to (so i write everything!). but i certainly do remember why i came to uni, our first report was a timely reminder (done and dusted, awaiting the next one)!

basically, yesterday was the day that defined our relationship clearly. we are officially not 'just friends' anymore. over the course of 11hrs, we went from slightly awkward (explained in a bit) to being in a proper relationship.

the night before last, she txted me asking me if i wanted to do anything (as friends). i responded, but she did not. so i was more than a little confused, and disappointed. so i went into uni the next day curious for an answer. turns out, due to circumstance (or one of her little quirks, again) she was unable to contact me, and was feeling worse for wear to boot that morning. so, after our lecture i returned her home to sleep it off, while i stayed to finish said report.

in the afternoon, with her awake and significantly more chirpy, we went out for a stroll and then lunch. while sitting in the uni cantine (a horrible thought...), we had a conversation that changed everything. having exhausted small talk in days past, we began to dig deeper. it began slightly awkwardly, as we tried to tell each other things about ourselves, but were slightly embarassed at the same time. but i made a particular comment about my feelings towards her (honesty DOES pay!) and that opened the floodgates. soon, i had contrived a way to hold hands with her as we walked (smoothly, for once), and when we got back to her flat, we lazed around together for 5hrs. not a word was said, we just laid there, stroking each others hair, holding hands constantly. we fell asleep, forehead to forehead, nose to nose, for hrs, b4 i left her place, which brought to an end the perfect day (the greasy chicken burger i had when i got home failed to ruin things).

which brings me here. so, i suppose that is the start, and my most significant post to date. goes without saying i'm incredibly happy atm. hope everyone is doing well, i'll be back again soon for sure (sadly). perhaps my singing is better than i thought...

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#11 Post by I65 » Sun Oct 02, 2005 12:03 pm

Young love is such an amazing thing. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. It is an avenue for some of us oldsters to think back on our first days with our significant others.

Your a good writer, very good at expressing the emotions and parts of your budding relationship that touch you. I couldn't help but wonder if you had thought of keeping some of this in "hardback form" so to speak.

:idea: Keeping a handwritten journal over the next year of these types of thoughts in, say a composition book, would be a lovely first anniversary gift for your sweetheart. Something she could cherish the rest of her life. :idea: Just a thought.

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#12 Post by Congruous » Sun Oct 02, 2005 3:04 pm

I'm starting to feel like a Peeping Tom when I look at this thread.

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#13 Post by silvermoon » Mon Oct 03, 2005 6:19 am

lol my choice entirely, some ppl (people i'm around) have no choice in the matter as to whether they get to hear about it or not (they do. constantly). but whenever i am this happy (which i think may never have happened b4) i have an overwhelming desire to shout it from the rooftops. btw pls make it known when said expression becomes grating, i realise that my self indulgence may not please all! :oops:

thanks for the terrific suggestion, Ith. after my last meeting with her, things have been a bit of a mess (i havnt seen her in 2 days!!!), but this idea certainly helps to relieve some of the anxiety (i'm a little stressed...they're like withdrawal symptoms, i'm going cold turkey). i have so much to say that i think that would be ideal for chronicling my thoughts, at the very least as another outlet for my joy. i'll be off to the giftshops to look for something fancy then...hope everyone is well. pls feel free to post about any of your own experiences etc if u wish, i feel a bit greedy having a whole thread to myself

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#14 Post by I65 » Mon Oct 03, 2005 10:19 am

Lol don't feel guilty, and I have a few threads just about me. :P

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#15 Post by silvermoon » Sun Oct 09, 2005 4:54 pm

by a distance, the most dramatic week of my life. for the sake of privacy, i shall keep details to a minimum and perhaps take the post down after a period of time, but for now i wanted to mention the soap opera antics i've been up to.

as i have already mentioned b4, last friday was the first night we spent together as more than just friends. however, over the weekend we did not see each other and i feared this time away might change her opinion of me. so on monday, i returned to uni to see her, with a little doubt and anxiety in my mind as i hoped that what we shared on friday would still remain. our first moments together were a little strained, as the other day lingered in our minds but we were both nervous of attempting to resume it in fear of ruining a delicate situation. however, one moment sealed our status as a couple.

as we sat together, i took a chance and reached over for her hand. with a little hesitation, i kissed it gently. she laughed, and said noone had ever done that for her b4. so, with her seeming approval, i kissed her on the hands, the forehead, and the cheek, which she found very amusing. at ease once again, we leant in together, forehead to forehead. and then, out of nowhere, she kissed me. i confess to lying there with her, shocked (in the best possible way), not saying a word, but maintaining a facade of calm, before she leant over and kissed me again. the first was just a short burst of ecstacy and elation, the second sealed our relationship. i left her place with no worries clouding my mind.

the following day, i returned to uni, and we were completely at ease with each other. we held hands as soon as we met up, and she commented that she had not seen me smile so much (neither has anyone else i've ever known). we spent the whole day together again, for the first time as a proper couple.

the following day was where the trouble began. she had planned to meet up with a (male) friend of hers that evening, so i returned home after being with her while she met up with him. the following day, she received a msg from her friend saying he was jealous of me and wanted me out of the picture so that he could be with her. i stayed with her into the early hrs of the morning as she grappled with the idea of losing a friend or leaving me (after 3 days). the next day, she held early crisis talks with her friend, who decided that he would continue to be a friend to her so long as he never saw or heard from me. by the evening, when i was with her, he had decided he needed another round of talks to resolve the issue. i waited for her for 15mins, anxious and troubled by the idea that she was alone with her friend, deciding the fate of our relationship while i sat helplessly at a distance. it must have been a sight for those in the know, of me sitting alone on a bench deep in thought and nervously fidgeting while crucial decisions were being made by others regarding our future.

she emerged after a period of time, and i slowly approached her. i didnt want to push her to tell me the outcome, but i was also anxious to know, and soon. so the relief was great when she told me that she would no longer be seeing her friend, and that we were a solid unit once again (or, as i gathered, would be once she had had time to digest these events). i stayed with her overnight to keep her company, as she was obviously a little distressed.

the other significant event to date was a particular comment she made, that excites me and bothers me at the same time. when summarising events, she said to me that she had 'fell in love with a guy in ?? days, and exchanged him for a good friend'. obviously, it excited me that she felt this way about me (she doesnt believe in true love and shes a bit cynical regarding these issues, so coming from her this was a pleasant surprise), but at the same time i'm bothered that these comments might have been made out of the confusion caused by her decision the other day. i darent talk to her about this as i am part of the problem that is so fresh in her memory, but for now i take it with a pinch of salt. but pleasing nonetheless.

which brings us to today. currently we are going strong, and in many ways that ordeal has made us more comfortable with each other, and we can share a laugh once again with it in the (recent) past. so, looking to the future now. also, should anyone reply to this post, pls do not mention specifics from my post as i plan to take it down after maybe a week. thanks, and again for bothering to read this

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#16 Post by 52FM » Sun Oct 09, 2005 5:26 pm

When emotions flame so strong and so fast - you need to watch out. The feelings you have now cannot stay as special forever - you will find your own comfort zone in time.

There is no doubt that your feelings for each other are real - and her friend was VERY wrong putting those types (or any) conditions on her. She made the right decision there no matter how your relationship ends up. No one person "owns" another. She didn't "lose" a friend - he pushed her away.
"Willoughby. Next stop is Willoughby."

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#17 Post by Congruous » Sun Oct 09, 2005 9:04 pm

I would have had a heart attack.

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#18 Post by Just Like Honey... » Mon Oct 10, 2005 7:05 pm

I don't think you should take any posts down. You're one of the best writers I've ever seen, and some of your situations stir up some pretty complicated and happy memories in all of us. (I would have had a heart attack as well).
Good luck with this relatoinship and thanks for sharing :wink:
I'd rather be a gear in a big, deterministic, physical machine than just some random swerving.

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#19 Post by Congruous » Mon Oct 10, 2005 8:15 pm

If you start having palpitations, it's all right; don't call a doctor.

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#20 Post by silvermoon » Mon Oct 10, 2005 8:29 pm

thanks all, i just say it as i see it. and apparently i have a lot to say. ironic that people used to tell me i was a bit 'closed mouthed' (to reference a well-loved film...).

but dearie me, if today wasnt just another twist in the tale...seems like every day brings something new, but i assure you these things happened, and as i described.

yesterday, i spent the night with my friends, because she was meeting one of hers (so it initially seemed...). so, no worries there, not a male friend i thought, so none of the trouble of the recent past. so today, i went into uni just happy to see her. however, it was clear from the distinct lack of enthusiasm on her face that something was wrong. she tried to hide it, but by now i can tell when she is smiling a genuine smile or has something on her mind. and, with a little inquiring, she revealed that the previous night, she had been to her (female) friend's place, but the friend who had caused us so much trouble had also been invited (apparently without her knowledge). he had turned up looking very much worse for wear, and distinctly drained in only a few days. this bothered her, as despite the conditions he had tried to impose on her she still saw him as someone she felt responsible for, and it pained her to see him this way and know that her choices, whether she wished them or not, had affected him so badly. i reassured her that there was little she could do to help him, as she did not feel the way he wanted her to feel about him and so she couldnt offer the emotional support he needed, which seemed to lift a weight from her mind and cheer her up. and so, for much of the rest of the day, her smile returned and we were back to our happy ways.

with time to spare b4 we parted for the night to meet friends, we decided to take a walk through a park. being a nice day, with no ppl around, we found a patch and laid down together, then into each others' arms. and in this moment of quiet bliss, she dropped a bombshell of a question: do you think we should remain just friends?

i assured her that not for a second did i want anything other than to be with her, and that i hoped that she could think of me as her boyfriend (all true and from the heart). she smiled at me with that cute innocent smile she wears when i make her happy, but crucially, she did not reply in kind. i didnt ask her, but she didnt say. she mentioned that her culture dictates that ppl have to be together for a set period of time b4 they are considered a proper couple. and then, she said that she 'doesnt want to lose me'. and, not 5 mins ago, she told me (over txt, in reply to mine) that she wants to take things slowly, and that she likes me but every time she sees me shes reminded of how badly she acted towards her friend. now, in my personal opinion, and with all due respect to her friend, i feel that the conditions he imposed on her were unfair and untimely, as 52FM has pointed out, and yet she still feels guilty for the pain she has caused him, even tho her honest choice is something he should respect if he were a true friend. i hope i do not sound too self serving, i truly feel a little guilty myself for causing her so much anxiety, even if things turned out the way i hoped, and more importantly i have done nothing except treat her with respect. but i do not see that she has done anything wrong, and i hope she realises this as it is clearly an obstacle for her that i cannot help her to overcome. she asked me to wait until tomorrow b4 speaking to her about this, which i shall of course, and i shall try to make sure she is as comfortable with the situation as i can. but once again, i shall be having a sleepless night. the drama continues...

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